Relationship Gurus and celebrity authors Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal answer the tough question about men: why will they not
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Rhiannon: Sometimes finding Mr. or Mrs. Right can seem impossible whether its commitment problems or a relationship that’s turned sour, knowing what to do next can be very confusing. Our relationship pros help clear up those issues in today’s Ask Matt and Tamsen. Tamsen: Hi everybody, Matt and Tamsen here, your love consultants, ready to answer your questions about love, sex, dating and of course, relationships. We’ve got a few to get you started today, alright, our first one. “Dear Matt and Tamsen, I’m a beautiful successful 35 year old woman, could you please tell me why men won’t commit.” What comes out of those three words? Men won’t commit. Matt: Right, there’s a reason, one woman for the rest of your life. Tamsen: It’s a hard thing for a guy to swallow. Matt: That’s what come to minds even if they look like this, it’s still a challenging thought topic. So, here’s the deal, we as men, we’re good guys, we don’t want to make commitments and then not be able to really follow through with it. Tamsen: I don’t know all men are good, I mean I think this comes down to other guys ready in this life. Matt: Well, yeah, that’s a good point, but remember, where not predisposed to just be with one woman. Remember I said a million times, men are supposed to run around the forest, propagate the species, chase some animals, eat them and they get up and go to sleep, that’s what we do when we’re caveman. Caveman have suits now, we still think the same way. So honestly, it has to be timing, I think Tamsen’s right. Guys who I believe are eligible for committed relationships are between the ages of 35-45. I’ll say it, it’s a broad general statement, but you know what, it’s true. Tamsen: Yeah, I would tend to agree with that, and also I think it’s where they live, she lives in Chicago. So I think maybe she’s dating guys that are into the city, maybe those guys are more prone to be concentrating on their career first. And if you are finding men that won’t commit, maybe it’s the type of men, you know, she’s going after. I was the kind of girl that seem to traditionally go after men that weren’t interested in committing because I was attracted to guys who are career focused, who had other priorities. Matt: Good looking guys. Tamsen: And that could be part of it. So look, first of all, at the kind of guys you’re dating and then I want to look also at maybe the age the guys you’re dating because I think that’s important. Matt: And remember, on the coast, the mean age of marriage is a little higher. We wait longer because of our careers, you know in the mid west such as Chicago, it actually is a little lower. So, you know, just listen. Choose your man accordingly and choose them correctly. Tamsen: Okay, here’s the next one. “Dear Matt and Tamsen, my husband is not giving me the life he had promised. We’re financially behind the 8 ball, our relationship is shaky at best and we’re rapidly approaching the age the end of when I will be able to have children. What should I do?” That’s a harder. Matt: God, three things at one time, this woman is throwing the whole kitchen sink at this guy. Honestly, you have to stop, have a serious conversation with your significant other, and decide if you’re going to move forward in the relationship and no one’s getting any younger. You’re developing a history with this guy, this woman, you really have to make some decisions. What do you think? Tamsen: Yeah, I think so, I think they have to be in this order, she has, you know, financial relationship and then children, but I think it needs to go relationship first. That’s what they need to be concentrating on maybe then financial, then children. Because I think if you, a lot of times you see people bring children into the mix because they are worried about age. if she’s approaching 39, 40 years old, and that’s just a bad equation all around so I think the relationship has to come first in this. Matt: It’s very true, without the relationship, you have nothing, you have to maintain the relationship or everything will go away. It’s very important, some people forget that. And also don’t be complacent in a relationship. Maybe both you guys are tired of everything, you have to spice up, you have to change everything about the dynamic about what’s going on between the two of you. Tamsen: Yes, especially if you’re saying in a shaky, let us know what happens but that’s where I would put that focus first before it’s ever on the finances or the kids. Matt: And one more thing, don’t be afraid to leave each other if that’s what the best is for the situation. Tamsen: Yeah, absolutely. This has been Matt and Tamsen, if you have questions please be sure to send them our way. Rhiannon: Great advice, thanks guys. If you have dating questions or relationship question that you want answered, email AskMandT@BetterTV.com.