When I did this survey on integrating sexuality and spirituality, I found that it was more than just sex and spirit, that really there was a whole wheel that I was seeing which actually is I derived from the ancient medicine wheels, which contained body, mind, heart, and spirit.
And I find when I am working with couples or with anybody single or with training physicians and therapists, will literally put them on this wheel and ask them to describe their experience from a place of physical awareness, from a place of emotional awareness, from a place of mental awareness, from a place of spiritual awareness.
And people are often very surprised because we have been taught that sex is just physical, but when you begin to talk about the emotions, the kind of connectedness that you feel or wish you could feel or don’t feel with your partner, or you talk about the mental constructs that come in from “good girls don’t and real men score,” to that construct that the abstinence until marriage people tell us, you know, sex is dirty, so save it for the one you love. You realize that there’s a lot that goes on in our heads that really determines how we are sexually.
In terms of spirituality, the way that I see that and have had thousands of women and also men describe it to me, it’s not about religion, per se, it’s about how we reach out and connect with one another or how we reach out beyond ourselves to connect with a power that’s greater than ourselves.