How To Be Less Intimidating To Men

Dr. John Gray: Hi, I'm Dr. John Gray with Ask Your Tango answering your love and relationship questions.

Cohaku1188: What can I do to be less intimidating to men? I'm six feet tall; I'm proud of it. I carry myself proudly with my head held high. I have a robust or forceful personality as many have said. I’ve had a few guys flat out tell me that I'm intimidating. How can I be less intimidating without being untrue to myself?

Dr. John Gray: Well, the more accomplished, the more successful or the taller a woman is, whichever, is it can be intimidating to men. It can also just be a turn-off to men. You have to find out femininity that will literally attract the men, and what that’s about is finding the part of you that needs a man and communicate that through your responses, authentic responses of happiness when you’re with them.

If you take charge all the time, there’s no room for him to make you happy. And the nature of men is if you can do something, then we’ll just let you do it. We’ll wait for the emergency. But when women can do everything, which now they’ve learned to do everything—they’ve got their female side and the male side to handle all this stuff, they’re overwhelmed. They don’t sleep well, et cetera. He gets the message that, “Well, she can do it. I’ll wait until she needs me.” So you need to give the message not that you’re needy but that you need him. It’s not intellectual. It’s an emotional experience that he has when he’s actually physically doing something for you and there’s a physical response inside of you that says, “I'm so much happier now that I have this man around.”

The way you appreciate a man, the way you show him you need him is to delight and be happy and appreciate the things that he does do and give them opportunities for doing it. For example, when you’re going to the door, don’t get to the door first. And if you do, stand there and wait for him to open it then you smile. Oh, now there’s a moment where he can bond with you.

If you create opportunities for men to do things for you, they will bond with you, and that’s how men grow in their love for women as opposed to feeling intimidated.

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