Arpad Bogdan Looking for His Roma Roots - Part 4/4

Host: Arpad and Laszlo’s Father: lives in the next village. He has a new
young wife and 40 dogs. He doesn’t see much of any of his nine
children but he doesn’t seem to mind getting a surprise visit.

Father: Which one are you?

Arpad: I’m Arpad.

Father: How time flies.

Arpad: Yes, it does.

Father: Oh, well. It’s been a while.

Arpad: Is 29 years a while? That’s how long it’s been.

Father: Gone in a flash.

Arpad: Yes, indeed.

Father: Shame! I had no idea where you were. Okay, I know that’s no
excuse, not that you came to visit, but it was down to me too, I
could have found you if I had tried. We could have met sooner. It
all fell apart when I was put in prison. Your mother went to town,
shacked up with someone. I found out about this and I handed in
the divorce papers from my cell. Okay, I’m not saying I wasn’t at
fault; it can’t all be one. I made mistakes and your mother has
made mistakes, too. Had I stayed at home, not been imprisoned,
you would have stayed as well.

Arpad: How long were you in prison in Sopronkohida?

Father: Long time. Six years in that one alone.

Arpad: Six years? What -- what did you do to get six years?

Father: I had a mean punch.

Arpad: Maybe you shouldn’t have shown off in those pubs.

Father: I always say better be accompanied by a prison guard than a priest,
on your way to the cemetery. Isn’t that right?

Arpad: That was at stake?

Father: Yes.

Arpad: So you came back from prison and found that the family had fallen
apart. Well, what’s happened has happened?

Father: At least you came to find me. I might not have much time left,
anyway. As for the past, let’s pull a veil over it. We should look to
the future from now on. We should stay in touch. I’m glad I've
found out about you. Oh, Cabbage!

Host: Back in Budapest, Arpad is getting on with preparations for his
next film. And considering everything he has learned about the
past, all kinds of stereotypes surround the Roma – Arpad may just
have got rid of some of his own.

Arpad: I expected a lot worse when I went to meet these people, my
brother and my Father. I was worried about finding much more
deviant, marginalized creatures but they ended up surprising me. In
a way, their lives are more rooted than mine is. They have families,
they have loved ones and they have a lot more stability than I can
even imagine for myself. Concepts like ‘brother’ and ‘Father’,
‘family’ -- they don’t start meaning something overnight. Like my
brother said, it was like talking to a complete stranger. I’ve ended
up with a few new people in my life, and I have no idea what role
they will play from now on.

Host: Post-Communist Hungary and its Roma minority still need time to
come to terms with each other and so do Arpad and his Dad, but at
least now they have the opportunity -- if they want to take it.

Arpad: I looked at my father into his eyes, and I suddenly felt myself
forgiving him. I let him go, along with all the bad things I used to
blame him for, and after that, I could see him for what he is and I
could listen to him. Whether I’ll see my father again -- well, maybe
I will, but definitely not on my own. I will have to take someone
with me, someone from my own life, someone who can give me a
sense of security. I think I would need that to hold onto. I would
need to be reminded that okay, that is where I’m from and he’s my
father, but I do have a very different life now in a very different
world.